who are affinity spaces for?

On BIPOC spaces, white spaces, and the sometimes imperfect work of choosing where you belong

In my previous piece on affinity spaces in therapy and healing work, I spoke about why these spaces matter.
This piece is about something more specific — and often more uncomfortable:

Who are these spaces actually for?
Who belongs in BIPOC spaces? Who belongs in white spaces? And what do we do when we don’t feel like we fit neatly anywhere?

If you’re looking for a perfect, risk-free answer — you won’t find it here.

Learning Spaces Are Not Neutral — And Not Perfect

Let’s start here, again:
Learning spaces are imperfect, and affinity spaces are no exception. The categories we use — BIPOC, white — are also imperfect.
And yet, we still need to make decisions about how we gather. Not because the categories are perfect, but because the systems we are navigating are not neutral.

Affinity spaces exist to create room for shared experience, reflection, and healing — particularly in response to systems like racism and colonialism that shape how we move through the world.

So the question is not whether we can create a perfect category.

The question is:
Given the reality of power, where does it make sense for me to show up and do my work?

If You Join a BIPOC Space

If you are trying to figure out whether you “qualify” for a BIPOC space, let me challenge your approach:
This is not about proving your identity or being “enough.”

BIPOC spaces are for people whose lives are shaped — consistently or contextually — by racialization outside of whiteness.

That might include you if you are:

• Black, Indigenous, brown, or person of color

• Multiracial or mixed

• From communities racialized as non-white

• Someone who experiences racialization, marginalization, or “othering” in relation to whiteness

And here is where it often gets more complex.
You may be lighter-skinned. You may be white-passing in some contexts. You may feel like you exist in between identities, or like you don’t always “belong enough.”

If that is you, I am not here to police your identity. I am inviting you into reflection.
Because BIPOC spaces are not about qualification or perfection. They are about shared relationship to systems of power.

So the question becomes:

Do I move through the world in ways that are shaped by racial marginalization — even if that experience is complex, conditional, or shifting?

If yes, a BIPOC space may be a place for you to explore that complexity, build community, and reflect on your relationship to power and identity alongside others navigating similar systems.

And here is the part that requires honesty:
Not all experiences of marginalization are the same. Not all proximity to whiteness is neutral.

So the invitation is not:
➡️ Do I fit perfectly?

It is:
➡️ How does proximity to whiteness shape my experience — and how might it shape my impact in this space?

Because BIPOC spaces are not only places to be held. They are also spaces where power differences within marginalized communities still exist — and still need to be named.

If You Join a White Space

You may choose to join a white affinity space if you identify as white, are consistently perceived as white, benefit from whiteness as a social positioning, or move through the world without being racialized as “other”

If that is the case, a white affinity space is not a lesser option or a backup space. It is not where you go if you’re “not ready” for the “real work.”

It is the work.

White affinity spaces are not spaces of shame. They are spaces of accountability, reflection, and responsibility.

Dismantling racism is not work that belongs only to people of color. White affinity spaces create room to examine internalized superiority, understand how whiteness operates systemically, and take responsibility without relying on BIPOC people to educate or hold the process.

They are spaces where the work can happen without placing additional burden on those already impacted by racial harm.

If you benefit from whiteness and choose to avoid white spaces in favor of proximity to BIPOC spaces, it’s worth asking:

What am I hoping to receive — and what am I avoiding?

What If You’re “In Between”?

Many people get stuck here.

What if I’m mixed?
What if I’m white-passing?
What if my experience changes depending on the context?

There is no perfect answer. And I’m not interested in giving you one.

Because this work is not about finding the correct category or removing tension. It asks you to stay with it.
It asks for awareness and responsibility.

So instead of asking:
➡️ Where do I belong?

Try asking:

➡️ Where can I show up with integrity, given my relationship to power?
➡️ Where will my presence support the purpose of the space — rather than dilute or redirect it?
➡️ Where might I need to listen more, and where might I need to speak?

You Don’t Need Permission — You Need Reflection

I want to be clear about something.
I am not here to decide your identity for you or sort people into categories. I am not here to grant or deny access based on rigid rules.

What I am asking for is reflection.

Affinity spaces are not about policing who belongs. They are about creating conditions for meaningful, honest work.
And that requires self-awareness, honesty, a willingness to sit with discomfort, and attention to how power moves through you.

All Spaces Are Imperfect — And We Join Them Anyway

There is no perfect affinity space. No perfect language. No perfect identity category or group composition.
And still, we gather.
Because these spaces matter.

They create room for connection, honesty, reflection, healing, and collective clarity. They allow people to show up in ways that are often not possible in cross-identity spaces — without the pressure to explain, translate, or defend their experience.

A Final Invitation

If you’re still asking What is the correct space for me? I invite you to sit with this:
Where does my presence align with the purpose of the space?
Where am I willing to be accountable for how I show up?

Not perfectly, not permanently. But honestly.

Because this work is not about getting it right once. It’s about continuously reflecting, adjusting, and participating in ways that move us — collectively — toward liberation.

If You Want to Continue This Work

These questions don’t end here.

In my newsletter, Liberation Letters, I share ongoing reflections, questions, and practices for therapists and healers engaging in decolonial and liberatory work.

And in The Practice of Liberation, we take this further — into the personal space of liberation, accountability, and real-time practice.

Because affinity spaces are not the destination.
They are one of the places where the work begins.